


Palutena, the Social Butterfly

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening, Metroid Series, Super Smash Brothers, 光神話 | Kid Icarus (Video Games)
Genre: Fluff, Multi, Pit Fucks Up, Rated M only for a bit of dirty talk and cursing, What's new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6732847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pit gets too nosy, and Palutena begins to socialize a lot more than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Palutena, the Social Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, here's a little fluff piece that i wrote a while ago, i haven't written new content for a bit but i thought i might as well throw some old stuff out here since i'm really busy irl. u might see another old story or two while i'm sorting things out but i'm not gonna be able to write too much for a bit. sorry!
> 
> -bonnie

"Pit, I've got a friend over, so don't come knocking on my bedroom door; we're socializing," Palutena said, grinning from ear-to-ear. Pit nodded and waved dumbly to Samus, who gave him a friendly nod as Palutena dragged her to her bedroom for what seemed to be the hundredth time that week. As soon as Pit heard the door slam, he rolled his eyes, sighing exaggeratedly and dragging himself to his own bedroom on the opposite side of the palace.

Palutena had a habit of "socializing" in her bedroom with Samus, but Pit was far from an idiot (well, maybe not _too_ far, but not that close either). The angel had a sneaking suspicion that Samus was there for more than just a bit of "socializing". However, he had been too shy to ever go up to the goddess' bedroom himself to investigate.

Once Pit got to his room, he played some video games for a couple of minutes. Then, his mind started to drift to Palutena and Samus'...socializing. Of course, with his mind being in the pre-pubescent area for pretty much all of eternity, he couldn't help but wonder what it was like. Maybe he would go check, just go in front of Palutena's door, and see if things were _okay_. After all, lots of things could happen, even in the course of ten minutes or so! It was his _duty_ as the captain of her guard to check on her every now and then.

Pausing his video game and hopping to his feet, Pit dutifully marched to Palutena's room, kneeling and pressing his ear to the door. At first, it was quiet, and Pit _actually_ started to worry. But then, a sharp slapping noise and a ragged yelp made him jump. _Did...did that noise come from Lady Palutena?!_

Then, another slap, and another noise of pain to go with it. The second time around, he realized that it definitely _was_ Palutena that he was hearing. Any "interest" he may have had in the situation faded away as he listened to the rapid succession of slapping noises and cries of pain. Suddenly, a voice growled, "Do you want me?"

The voice was too low to be Palutena's, and, even through the lust clouding the sound, Pit recognized the voice of the blonde bounty hunter Samus Aran. _She has to be holding Lady Palutena against her will! No way Lady Palutena would just_ let _her do that! But then again, if Lady Palutena wanted to, she could totally demolish her, right?!_

Pit's worries were soon put to rest (or maybe doubled) when Palutena grunted, "Y-yeah."

Perhaps it sounded a little forced, Pit thought, but genuine enough. Pit knew a fair amount about sex, but stuff like that? It was way too weird to be sex behavior, right? "Tell me what you want."

"I want you to...oh, gods, Sammy, how do you do this to me? I want you to t-turn me from your goddess into your bitch," Palutena breathed, and quite happily, Pit might add.

His blood ran cold, and his face went pale. He scrambled to his feet and dashed away from the door, slamming the door behind him and tapping away his video game. After a couple of minutes, he realized that what they were doing _had_ to have been some kind of routine or practiced action, and Palutena seemed quite happy. _Even though it's really, super_ duper _weird, I...guess it's none of my business anyway!_

Besides, Samus let him ride in her gunship. No need to ruin a good thing.

* * *

"Pit, I have a friend in my room, and I don't want to be bothered. We're socializing."

"Heh. Have fun with that," Pit said listlessly, smiling. He was no longer feeling awkward or scared when Palutena began to "socialize" with Samus, ever since a week before when he found out what it was all about. After a night or two of tossing and turning, thinking of the slaps and cries of pain and scarily submissive phrases uttered by his goddess, Pit came to terms with what seemed to be the general nature of Samus and Palutena's bedroom relationship. "I'm gonna go play Wii."

Palutena nodded serenely, and Pit heard the door slam once again. Pit went into his room, picking up his remote and preparing to play a game of Wii Sports, a timeless classic. However, when he booted up the console and started to tap at the remote, a notice came up signalling the low battery of the remote. He mumbled an annoyed "darn it" and tossed it aside, going down into the kitchen and opening the drawer.

Pulling out two double-A batteries, Pit shut the drawer and turned away, before noticing some keys on the counter. Turning towards the key fob and the assorted links and such, Pit picked it up, examining it curiously. On it was several little charms, like the ones he always saw Palutena buying at every corner. One of them was a custom-made gold chain, vertically spelling out "SAMUS".

 _I better leave these by the door, since they belong to Samus. Samus will probably just open the door once they're finished and pick them up,_ Pit concluded, jogging back up the stairs. He bent over and gently laid the keys by the floor, but before he could straighten, he tuned into the noise coming from behind Palutena's door.

Several wet, heated slapping noises were coming from the door, causing Pit's brow to furrow. Once he thought for a second, he scoffed and realized what exactly those noises were and blushed. Pit pretended to be interested in the charms on Samus' key-ring just to be polite, but really, he was listening in on the events conspiring in Palutena's room. "Oh my gods, P-Palutena, that feels amazing...fuck!"

Of course, that would be standard bedroom banter, but the content of the words wasn't what bothered Pit so much. No, it was the person who was uttering those very words. Had it been Samus, that would've been completely normal, but it was actually none other than _Lucina_ moaning those filthy phrases. Pit's breath slowed, and he slowly got up and backed away from the door, his breath heaving. _Oh, no...no no no! I heard too much! How could Lady Palutena_ cheat _on Samus? Samus always was so nice to her even when she was mean, and brought her food, and took me on her gunship...I can't believe Lady Palutena is so evil!_

Palutena's aggressive (but somehow mildly arousing to the angel) remarks and moans barely made it to Pit's ears as he dashed to the bottom of the stairs, tripping more than once on his quest to get as far away from that bedroom as possible. Once he reached the bottom, though. Pit tried to collect his thoughts, pacing and tugging at his hair. _No need to panic, Pit, it's all okay! Maybe Samus' voice was just higher than usua-oh, no, no! Lady Palutena_ said _Lucina's name! Yes, but what if...they broke up! Yes! Lady Palutena broke up with Samus, or vice versa, and now she's moved on. I haven't seen Samus for a day or two, that could be it!_

As Pit opened the front door to go and get some fresh air, he was met with a surprising sight: Samus, as poker-faced as ever.

"Hey, kid," said she. "Where's Palutena?"

Pit's heart began to race. How would the scorned lover react to knowing that her ex had already moved on? However, Pit didn't have time to think. He immediately blurted, "In her bedroom."

Samus nodded and thanked him, then walked right past him as if he were nothing! Pit immediately grabbed her arm and released a desperate whimper. Without thinking, he squeaked, "You...and Lady Palutena...are you guys dating?"

If she said yes, then that would mean Palutena _did_ cheat, and things would be _bad_. If she said no, then that would mean the scorned-lover-angry-ex scenario would come up, which would be...actually, that would be pretty bad, too. Samus simply replied, "The short answer is yes, but it's a bit more complicated than you think. But yes, we are. Why?"

"Oh. Well, um," Pit chuckled anxiously. "If it's...official now, then you should spend more time with me!"

"Maybe some other time, Pit," Samus grunted dismissively, walking towards the staircase. However, Pit was walking backwards and tugging with all of his might.

"Sammy, take me on your gunship, please!"

"I'm losing my patience."

Pit knew _that_ meant trouble. "Samus...um..." Pit perked up with an idea. "Oh! You're coming for your keys! I'll go get them."

Samus stopped for a second, and Pit sighed in relief. However, the relief was ripped from him when Samus shrugged, "Totally forgot I had left them here. Give them to me after I'm finished with Palutena, alright? Or, better yet, I'll ask her for 'em. Go read a book or something."

"I can't read," Pit whined. "Samus, teach me how!"

Samus whirled around, her face curled up in irritation. "Alright, what the hell is going on here? You don't want me to go into that bedroom for some reason, and I'm pretty sure that that reason is _none_ of your business. Either fess up or let it go!"

It was inevitable, Pit realized. If Samus didn't find out that day, then it would be the next. If not that one, then the one after that. Pit whispered, "I'm sorry." He shrugged halfheartedly and darted up the stairs and into his room, slamming the door before Samus could reply. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his wings around himself, rocking slightly.

As he heard Palutena's door slam, though, he was moved to action. He _wouldn't_ let this be as catastrophic as he thought it would! No, he would play mediator, kick Lucina out, and mend Samus and Palutena's relationship. Hopping to his feet, Pit dashed over to Palutena's bedroom door. Pit immediately knew that when he went in the room, he would immediately reprimand Lucina, the girl who he _trusted_ for all that time, but betrayed Samus in the end. If anything, it was even worse because Samus, Palutena and Lucina had all been hanging out together more often than not...but it seemed as if Lucina had simply worked her way in to break the two other women apart, and Pit wouldn't let that happen. _Now that I think about it...Lucina is always telling me that I'm too nosy! She obviously wants to cover herself!_ Looking down, Pit noticed that the keys he had set down were gone. He muttered a small prayer to the gods and burst into the room, preparing himself for a hair-pulling, face-slapping all-out brawl over who got to be with Lady Palutena.

Instead, he was met with three naked women caressing, fondling and kissing each other on Palutena's bed. For a second, he was silent, taking in their bodies and catching his breath; they didn't even look up. He might've gone unnoticed over the pleased moans and coos, but his ridiculously loud " _what_ " alerted Samus, Lucina, and Palutena. "Wait," Pit screeched. "You-you-Samus, you-you...oh, _man_..."

The room went black.

* * *

Pit woke up in his bed, with three chairs on one side of him. Lucina, Palutena and Samus were each sitting in their own. Palutena had her eyes shut tight, her face unreadable. Lucina was fiddling with a stray thread on her sweater. Samus was playing some old Virtual Console game on Pit's Wii. There was a cool rag on his forehead; when he sat up and looked around one more time, it fell off of his forehead and into his lap.

All three of the women were staring at him, the video game paused for the moment. The trio looked as if they were waiting for _him_ to say something, so he mumbled, "What...exactly..."

"You fainted," Lucina quipped.

Pit blushed and nodded. "Well, yeah...I know that. I r-remember going into Lady Palutena's room, and then seeing all three of you, and...four big breasts..."

Lucina hissed, " _Only_ four?"

"Yeah. That's all I remember," Pit groaned. "But...the way Lady Palutena's looking at me, I feel like I should remember more."

"How about..." Palutena started. Pit gulped. "How about remembering when I told you to _stay out_ of my room and its general area when I was _socializing_? How about remembering that moment when you decided to disobey me?! If you can't, then oh _boy_ , I'll _give_ you something to remember-!"

Pit cried out, "No! No, you don't understand! S-see, a week ago I heard you say you were _socializing_ but I wanted to know what it really meant because when you usually socialize it's over tea, so I went to your room, and I heard Samus slapping you and you saying dirty stuff to her, and so then today I went to leave Samus' keys at your door, and then..." Pit stopped to catch his breath, heaving as all three of the women gave him an incredulous look. "...and _then_ I heard you saying mean stuff to Lucina and Lucina said dirty stuff to _you_ , so I assumed you were cheating on Sammy-"

"Wait, wait, _shit_. Cheating?" Sammy said, in disbelief. "Palutena, you didn't tell him? That we're all together?"

Pit blinked. "Huh?"

"No," Palutena drawled slowly. "Lucina was supposed to tell him. I asked her to."

"I told Sammy to," Lucina replied quickly.

"No, you didn't! And if you did, which I'm sure you didn't, I'm sure I told Palutena to-"

"Wait," Pit shouted. All three of the women stopped, turning to him in irritation. "You're...all...together? Like, a threesome, but a relationship, kind of?"

"That's an ignorant way to put it, but sure," Palutena said quickly.

Pit sighed in relief, wiping his forehead. "Great! So nobody's cheated on anybody, and nothing is my fault. What a relief!"

Palutena scowled, "This is _still_ your fault! Why do you care what my relationship status is? You should've stayed away from my bedroom!"

"And," Samus added, "I told you that this was none of your business."

Lucina quipped, "Haven't I talked to you about being nosy?"

"I can't help but be nosy, since _one of you_ neglected to tell me that you were all dating," Pit said carefully.

"'One of us'?" Palutena scoffed. "It was totally Samus."

" _What_?! I thought we were blaming Lucina!"

"Blame me?! For what?! I told Palutena to do it!"

"Now that I think about it...I kind of remember that, Lucina. You're right. This is all Palutena's fault."

Pit shut his mouth, leaning back into his pillows and exhaling silently. _Phew! That was close. I better keep my nose out of stuff from now on!_


End file.
